What Philosophy is.

When people ask you “What do you study when you study Philosophy?” is say “When a tree falls in a wood and there’s no-one there to hear it does it make a sound? Stuff like that” – That is Bishop Berkeley’s book “A Treatise Concerning the Principles of Human Knowledge ” and only one book (with a ridiculous ending) among however many books you read at University.




Paedophiles: A Defence

I have been fascinated with Paedophilia since reading Nabokov’s “Lolita” and Gowbrowicz’s “Pornographia” (with Authors Preface!). I realised that sexual aspect is born of a pervisty of life; paedophiles are not born but made. I find myself reminding people (when the topic comes up) that most paedophiles have been paedophiled themselves as children; to criminalise this behaviour is barbaric. Perversions are a response to the world. It is a problem for psychology. As a society i think we sometimes forget that all acts of violence: rape, murder, child rape, child murder, sex with children….any act of force against the person. It is practically religious to treat the Sin as the Sinner. What we need to ask and discover is “How the fuck did this happen?”.



Kill Sharks: Discuss

I’m quite keen on the idea of Macro Eugenics. People balk at the idea of eugenics but it is misplaced. I suggest we wipe out all predators of the sea. Any predator knows you need to eliminate your competition if you can. We can. I’m more than happy to get rid of sea predator’s. More fish for me and cheaper too. And what of the dolphins? They are mammals, we would not do it to them. That is why i think we should continue the logic to its logical end. Any predator would be defined as one that eats meat so there goes the cats and dogs thank god. More meat and fish for us to eat and cheap too. But what of the dolphin? The dolphin cannot compete with Man…they would more likely go extinct…we are good at that.

Hitler: A Political Genius

A political genius. If you haven’t read “Mein Kampf” you should. It is useful to understand how the Holocaust happened. Modern advertising is based on Propaganda….same same. People often ask why i like Hitler and i always tell them the same answer “Mein Kampf” was published in 1925. He told the world how he was going to take power of Germany and did it. Everyone owned a copy but nobody read it. Perhaps the greatest thing this should teacher us is that people prefer to be lead and even by the biggest rogue….we will vote for the worse rat. I fear that this is true. Of course you could always vote for me. Everyone in favour say “Aye”.


This is me in 1988 and my Hitler graffiti stencils

Chi or Nee

They are a cruel race, the Japanese. I know this. I was married to one. You should have seen the fear and hate in her eyes when she watched the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. “Look at them!” she would exclaim “all look the same. I pointed out that “you all looked the same”. We resolved the issue by playing “Chi or Nee”; when we saw an oriental we would say “Chi” or “Nee”, “Chi” for Chinese, and “Nee” for Japanese. Sometimes she would not be able to guess and i would smile and nod thoughtfully. A bit of fun and a lesson learned? It didn’t work. She’s a terrible racist….but a good dancer.

Infinity (again?)

infinity….apt as i am to think i have worked it out i sometimes remember to ask myself a hard math question. if i don’t know the answer then i know nothing…everything else is fact and up to negotiation. All that i can imagine (and you) is what my brain, the brain will let it, what the eyes can see and measure. We are a conduit for our senses, always second-hand, hardly primary text.

The Secret of Communicating with Women

I write this after receiving a series of messages from a women about some failed relationship…it was long (Wait…it was the size of A4 – lots of paragraphs). I told her of course

“sorry can i have that in bloke form please”

and then i realised everything i had learned from John “Men are from mars, Women are from Venus”, Joseph Leonard Shalin “Alphabet”

The women described the landscape when all i wanted to know was where the roads and rivers were. Perhaps this is why men better navigators…of course it is the reason why; rods and cones, and this translates to language (Shlain). I just wanted the facts. i thought that she was coming to me with a problem that she wanted me to help fix. and hen i got a reply.

“Lol. It doesn’t matter x”

It was then that i realised what i was doing so i changed tack.

“Are you ok?”
“Got chocolate?”